What the hell is this?! WTF else am I supposed to wear with my sports coat and white sneakers?!

But seriously, did you mean jean
shorts perhaps, a la the Magnum PI look? Or are you a militant slacks-or-GTFO kind of guy?
Jeans are the go-to trouser of my generation (and many others I'm guessing), so you have placed yourself in a precarious position, friend...
PS: for on-topic-ness, I want alcantara for the "pretend I'm a racer" factor, and seeing as I don't expect the kids to constantly cover it in muck, I can live with the consequences in terms of required maintenance.